Shrine in the Ether

"I Swear to Drunk, I'm Not God!"

I'm bitching again...forgive me but I can't help it...

Having worked as a Promo Producer for three years, I watch program plugs with the same interest I accord the actual programs, themselves...so when I see plugs that do not do the shows they represent justice, I think it is really a pity...especially if the shows are actually worth-watching...

Which is why while watching etc channel earlier I was kind of appalled when the standard merch for the program "What I Like About You" came up...it said, "Bond with the side-splitting sisters..." Side-splitting sisters??? The copywriter was obviously looking for a synonym for the word 'funny' and having hit shift F7 on his keyboard decided that 'side-splitting' would be a good word to use...well, sorry honey, it's not...it just doesn't sound right to describe people as 'side-splitting'...stories can be side-splitting, as do jokes, situations or programs...but people should always be funny, hilarious or amusing...end of discussion.


Jennie and Amanda will surely split the sides of whoever wrote that copy about their show...

In other news, my friend texted me yesterday to say that she met "Ms. Poser Extraordinaire" (see "If You Want To Be...")in person and she turned out to be indeed, quite "charming" and "nice"...two words no one in his right mind would prolly use to describe me...and speaking of impressions...I've always been animated and well, funny but I didn't know whether I should take it as compliment when in the middle of telling an amusing story, a colleague commented that I should try out for one of those comedy clubs that seem to pop up everywhere nowadays...she swears I'll make a good comedienne...hmmm...not exactly the glamorous career path I've always thought I fit best...

Does this mean I belong to the circle of people like Tita Glow, Tuesday Vargas, John Lapuz or Marissa Sanchez? These people are really talented but I'm not sure whether I relish being associated with them...come to think of it, will my sleek, sophisticated, pierced and tattooed dream boy fall for a comedienne? Or does this mean I can only hope to snag a Conan O'Brien clone?

Sigh...There goes my arm candy hopes...

This is going to be short and sweet coz I'd really rather be hitting my pillow right now...I haven't had a decent sleep in days mostly because I need to be in the office at 9 every morning and I haven't yet managed to kiss and make-up with Mr. Sandman...I must have slept just a total of 20 hours in the last five days...so, to say I'm fatigued is an understatement...

Well anyway, just an observation after a week on my new job...

Why is it that the people who have more are also the more insecure ones?

A colleague who holds a degree from a highly-revered local university and who happens to be well-off always has to nit-pick to feel good about herself...For instance, being a fast-talker, I mis-pronounced the word "hair-flipping" while describing a Chinese actor's thespian skills, which she made a point to correct rather sanctimoniously within earshot of almost everyone else...

What's up with that? Like she just had to make people think that she's better than I am...For one thing, I don't believe that's true, and another, I don't compete with anyone...I'm pretty secure with my capabilities that I don't need to put people down to make myself shine, no thank you very much, I don't need to resort to such shenanigans...Needless to say, despite my attempts at friendship, it looks like this one is going to be superficial...civil yet strained...but what do I care? Another colleague who graduated from a modest university and apparently belongs to the masses meanwhile, turns out to be not only smart and funny but also quite unthreatened with her abilities...we hit it off instantly...she's not afraid to admit her mistakes and takes suggestions kindly...now, that's real character if you ask me...

I just can't stand insecurity...why can't people just put a halt to the bickering and just do the best they can without stepping on people's feet?

It's a lazy Sunday afternoon and usually, my whole family spends the day together but I had to beg off this time...I'm feeling unusually fatigued even though I've done nothing but mostly lounge lately...I should probably get a prescription for Prozac. Inexplicable fatigue is often a sign of depression and I'm prone to depression especially when Christmas is nearing like right now...oh, well...


'tis the season to be jolly?

Anyway, having nothing to do, I decided to check my friendster account today...hey, at least I didn't in the last two days! That's something for the books, really especially since I've checked it at least twice a day since I first opened it, which wasn't too long ago but still...yeah, yeah, pathetic (see previous entry, "From the Bored Room"...), I'm not quite oblivious to that fact...

So, turns out I didn't miss much in the last couple of days...just 3 messages and 5 new additions to my circle so after replying to the messages, I did some snooping around...hey, isn't that what friendster is for?

Remember the jerk whom I decided isn't really a jerk (see "To Find a Pefect..." and "The Hardest Word"...)? Well, he happens to like some girl who I hated for the longest time because I thought she was Ms. Poser Extraordinaire. Note that I have been of this opinion way before I met Mr. Jerk who isn't really a jerk, mind you, so I'm not really being biased but rather, being quite objective regarding the matter. So, I searched for her account, which I had done before, but this time, I read through her profile intently, to get a good feel of her personality, and browsed through her friends list, to see what kind of lot she hangs out with, and read a few of her friends' testimonials. And although those testimonials can be dripping so much with saccharine sweetness sometimes, and as such are not supposed to be taken at face value for they are often exaggerated, it's nonetheless easy to see that the person whom I thought was despicable and a poser might actually be quite special, and I don't mean in a retard sense.

True, she always seemed scatter-brained and for the most part, incoherent when I used to see her on TV but now that I think about it, I haven't really seen a lot of her anyway to really make an accurate judgment...for all I know, those were merely bad days when she hadn't gotten enough sleep or maybe troubled about something, I mean it happens to the best of us all the time, right?

With that said, I now think she's the sweetest thing on earth! She's obviously quite smart and pretty and well-loved and an interesting personality, too and should we cross paths in the future, I'd genuinely love to be friends with her and I really, really mean it!

it's tagline should be: "helping people become better all the time"...;p

So, eventhough I know only a few people read my entries regularly, let me take this chance nonetheless to express how sorry I am to anyone who I had judged hastily in the past. And from here on, I vow never again to be hypercritical of anyone who I do not know well enough.

Amen.

I must have sunk really, really low and might have in fact, started to dig...

A friend set me up to see this guy she works with over coffee supposedly last night...a couple of hours before the coffee date, however, she called me up to say that the dude begged off from the tryst because apparently, he won't be good company that night as he had just received his evaluation at work which happened to be quite terrible...

Stood up even before the guy even laid eyes on me...this ought to be a record...

I really hate this dating business...why do I even bother to accept such invites? I mean I could have arranged to have fun with other friends if he had cancelled earlier but instead, I was left to sulk at home all night because there was no one else to go with after I had been well, effectively 'dumped'...


I'll send you a postcard...

Also, I think it's really lame to be so bummed over a bad evaluation. I mean, I would personally not be affected...if I can vouch for the quality of my performance, by all means, I would contest those assessments...otherwise, if I had been in fact, crappy on the job, then, I shouldn't really be too surprised to have gotten such a horrible appraisal now, right?

Now, something tells me this guy may be a major whiny wuss...okay, I haven't met him and I don't really know the full details of his situation but he doesn't exactly make it easy to make a nice impression.

Okay, there goes another Friday night down the drain...

Meanwhile, two days on my new job and I'm still bored...the only thing that changed in the last couple of days is that whereas I used to be lethargic at home, now I'm lethargic at work...I expect things to improve in the following weeks though, after all, the project we're currently working on hasn't been formally launched so I'm thinking we'd have more to do and focus on once the project is up and running...

In short, I have high hopes for this job...it's easy and it seems like it's going to be really fun too...
Just a couple of concerns: First, my department is composed of all girls, which should be tough having been the only girl in my department in my last job...I don't mean to dis my own kind, but face it, girls can be so catty, spiteful and mean...in fact, one of the girls at work has already alerted me to the possibility of future skirmishes...not that I won't make the effort to avoid these but my achtung lights have since been beeping madly. And as the youngest addition to the group, they can in theory, push me around...not that I'd allow it, but they can try...

Then again, I think I may be just blowing things out of proportion...I am after all overanalytical and paranoid yet, all else considered, I'm actually having a blast at work despite the lack of interesting people...God, I really can do without being around this snooty corporate types...I flourish in the company of crazy, over-the-top personalities who go against all conventions...

But anyway, if there's one thing I learned and learned the hard way, you really can't have it all...

O-kay...I just learned last night that one of my friends who recently hooked up with a new BF just broke up after barely a month of coupledom...makes me even more jaded now than I had been if it is actually possible for me to be even more jaded, that is...

Oh, well...I guess it's one of those things no one can actually quite figure out but what the heck? As Moulin Rouge so ardently proclaimed, "It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all..." or was it the 'wisdom' written on one of my Pucca bags in broken English? Whatever...

Anyway, will finally start working tomorrow...about time, too...my boredom is killing me and it's not like I just sit around the house all day...i try to be active...I work out (though I haven't in nearly two weeks...), I shop (despite the fact that I'm a bum and I have no business spending money other than for bills and food...), I have read practically every book at the Starbucks on my street and I've been meeting friends for dinner, movie or coffee almost on a daily basis but I still feel like I have waaay too much time and energy than I can use...I should really stop bingeing on ice cream in the middle of the night...

God, I'd give anything not to have the time to check my Friendster account everyday...it's like the height of wretchedness, for me...I've been doing insipid things lately worthy of a Darwin award...For instance, I actually created a new account dedicated to my now defunct TV Program called Campus TV...Why? Well, I ran a search on Friendster to see whether anyone listed the show as one of their favorite programs and I was surprised with the results...there were actually people who did consider my show their fave...so I decided to open the account for those who have seen, and possibly even liked, Campus TV...Lame but barely 12 hours after I opened the account, I already received three invites from erm...'fans'...haha...not bad, eh?


worthy of an Emmy...really...

Yep, it's pathetic but indulge me for a moment here...starting tomorrow, I won't prolly have a lot of time to do stupid things like this so I'm really pushing the envelope to the limits...enjoy this idiotic phase while it lasts...

Anyway, I seem to have lost my philosophical vibe...it used to be that I pepper my entries with my quirky, mostly over-the-top observations of day-to-day things but right now, I just wallow in lameness...boredom zaps your wisdom in a way, I think...not that my views are actually comparable to that of Nietzsche, Sartre or Descarte but still...

Recently, a friend observed in her online journal that everyone seems to be 'pairing up' thus, she vows to snag a boyfriend of her very own before the year ends...

I am in fact, also in a similar pact with another friend...whoever fails to snag a cutie by midnight of 31 December 2004 is up for a very big 'punishment'...I agreed to the bet mostly for kicks...I mean, how bad can the 'punishment' be? One week's worth of dinner? Expensive but not undoable...Slave for a day? I can prolly weasel out of it...or no shopping for a month? Hard especially if you're a member of Shopaholics Anonymous like moi, but should be manageable with a handful of valium and a bottle of Stoli...

+ = somnolence...perfect!

I haven't exactly done anything to comply with this bet since except to go on a series of awful dates that are not worth talking or even thinking about. Nowadays, however, it's hard not to wonder why I haven't contracted this 'love bug' which has bitten practically everyone in my realm of reality...

A couple of former workmates (who have been loveless for years) have hooked up with brand new boyfriends within the past month and things have certainly taken a turn from just strange to this-can't-be-happening-but-I-see-it-unraveling-before-my-eyes strange when a close friend in New York who once vowed never to fall in love again sent me a message to say that she now has a boyfriend! The lucky dude (who must have done something really, really special, that I have to find out...)happens to be a classmate at Columbia U and who according to her, has been such an important part of her life in the past few months...okay, not exactly words you would expect her to say about any guy...After all, she's about the most jaded person I know, next to me that is, when it comes to matters of the heart...so, it's hard to ignore it when even she has fallen victim to this sort of 'love revolution'.

Now, I wonder why I haven't received an invite to the club yet...I must have done something really terrible in another lifetime...Jeez...

I've always been tactless but right now, I think I need a ten-step program to cure my chronic indiscretion. A guy I used to work with whom I haven't seen or talked to in months showed up at a friend's husband's (talk about 6 degrees of separation...) office a couple of months ago for his first day of work. I don't get to see (or talk to, for that matter) my friend's husband often so it is only recently that he told me about it.

The following day, I texted this friend to say hi. Here's how the conversation went...(typed in true text fashion...haha...=D)

Me: Hey, bro! Blita ko nsa solar k n daw...:)

Guy: Yep. Merch prod for sports plus. kaw musta? wla na ko sa imc mga two months n...

Me: I know a few peeps kse fr der...Froi told me ur wit dm n nga...me, erfer p din...haha...:)tka, i hope ur not responcble 4those stupd golf plugs!:o

Guy: ru serious? it's all me actually...sori hindi ako golf fan chaka konti lng yun mats...kakahiya ba sobra?

'nuff said...

Rocked by a pretty strong quake last night...after living on the 6th floor or higher in the last six years, earthquakes have ceased to bother me unless they last for longer than thirty seconds which rarely happens unless maybe if it's the end of the world...not that I'm asking for it...

Shakings feel particularly intense when you're a few stories above ground...currently residing on the tenth floor of a condominium building, you can just imagine how dizzying the movements can be. My neighbors started fleeing their units after about ten seconds and rushing frantically to the stair well...I've learned my lesson never to do that...the key is to keep calm, watch out for falling objects and to sit beside a sturdy structure that cannot be crushed by a falling ceiling or wall...it's really useless to try and run to the ground floor from 10 stories above...should the building start to crumble, you'll most likely be mangled in the fire exit...plus, the tendency is for the upper floors of the building to collapse directly onto the lower floors...they don't exactly sway and break in half so if you're in the upper floors, it should be fairly safe...

Okay, I may be wrong...this building looked like it fell over!

We experience about 20 quakes a day but only 2 or 3 a year that are strong enough to actually be felt by most...but in my case, I do feel even the little quakes most times...I'm sensitive that way...

Anyway, what was I doing at home on a Friday night last night? I should have been out partying but I didn't get any invite this time...such a boring, boring day it had been...I could have gone out on my own but that would have been pathetic...what has happened to all of my friends? Lately, it seems like I'm the one who always invites them to go out or do things and yep, my invitation gets declined, a lot...

I guess that's what work does to you, you cease having a life...but you wouldn't admit it, then you start to live a lie... But if one enjoys that kind of existence, who am I to argue? By next week, I'll also be a statistic...no, not in a gory sense but I'll soon be added to this wretched country's dismal work force...that should improve the unemployment rate by .000000001...at least, my decision to work full time again will help give this country an image of progress, albeit a false one...

The first thing people ask me when I tell them I've decided to work again is "Where?" Like where I work actually defines my person...I've met quite a lot of people who seem so proud that they work for so and so company...but the truth is, it doesn't impress me one bit...they all seem so stuck in a rut but too scared to make a move to get out...that's pitiful if you ask me...but I'm not about to harp about running after your passion, again (see "Angst is...")

I don't care for big names (although this company is a multi), what's important is that this new job should be a hell of a lot easier than anything I've ever had before... it won't tie my weekends up and won't keep me in the office late every night and it would allow me ample time to indulge myself in the things that truly interest me...after all, what I need right now is something regular to do to rid myself of all this excess energy which makes me restless and angtsy, I couldn't care less about having a career...

But to each his own I guess...for all I know, people can actually be happy living a lie...

I saw this ad from an obviously 'deep' and perhaps, jaded dude in one of the forums I frequent in my boredom...

Looking to meet a hyperliterate, stunning, unaffected, sophisticated, utterly amoral woman possessing an air of distant sangfroid and sere and bereft of the notion of guilt.

Too scared to entertain.

Everyone who posted in the thread said it's almost impossible to find a girl like that...I was almost bent to say I'm THAT woman save for the amoral part...I don't know but as far as I'm concerned, girls should be moral...sleeping around is just not cool...screwing two guys on the same day is unthinkable contrary to what women's magazine advocate nowadays...sure, indulge your sexuality but shouldn't there be a certain limit? You cannot just violate your body in unimaginable ways, right? Well, unless you choose to...

But anyway, it seems like love has become even more elusive in this era that men resort to such methods to find someone. I've always thought they are generally luckier than women on the romance front. After all, they can chase any girl they want and sway things to their favor. We, on the other hand, can drop subtle hints but unless the guys we want cashes in on it, there's practically nothing much we can do. Sure you can always chase at the risk of making a fool of yourself. It's just not socially acceptable for women to do the chasing, especially if the guy doesn't want anything to do with you, then you're labeled a stalker.

It's almost always the case that the one you like likes someone else and you just couldn't care less about the one who likes you...warped and wicked but it cannot be helped...the world is a joke after all (then I must be God! Haha!...totally ripped that quip from a friend...=)).

So everytime I see a movie where a guy meets a girl after which they immediately fall in love with each other and make beautiful music together, it sickens me to death. The world does not operate this way...even history's best-known love stories either started or ended in tragedy...nothing can be that perfect.

I saw the Kirsten Dunst starrer 'Wimbledon' last night notwithstanding the spate of criticisms that declare the flick, unwatchable. I love tennis anyway and I just want to see how this movie is going to depict the sport.

this ball fell short and caught the tape...

The tennis scenes were impeccably done - dynamic and the points were exciting and realistic despite them being staged. The scenes where the background falls into soft focus and the motion at less than half-speed while the audience are allowed a peek of the player's thoughts are imaginative. Kirsten Dunst is not believable as a tennis ace, though. She just doesn't seem athletic enough to make one believe that she's a top player....her limbs are way too skinny, with nary a shade of muscle tone, that there's no way she can hit those 110mph service aces.

that twig of an arm will surely break in half...

The plot reeks of old Pinoy Sharon-Gabby movies complete with the cheesiest lines and the tackiest of situations.

If you're the type who go gaga for lines like, "Love means nothing in tennis..." which Kirsten's character (Lizzie) said when she broke off her relationship with Doogie Howser, MD (leading man Paul Bettany, as Peter Colt, looked so much like our favorite young genius with a hint of Wayne Ferreira...=D);

+ = ?
Doogie + Wayne = Paul ?

or "I was the one who needed saving..." which Doogie muttered dramatically to emphasize how much he loved Lizzie...; or "You're mom and I finally found a common ground ...YOU." which Peter's father said upon reuniting with his mom...

I'm not about to start with the waaay stupid scenes such as the one where Peter took Lizzie to a beat up tennis court where his father supposedly took him to play tennis for the first time and where they played "air tennis" pretending to hit invisible balls with unseen rackets...terribly unromantic...they looked worse than a dude wearing a virtual reality helmet purportedly killing space aliens.


about as exciting as a Davis Cup match between Iceland and Lichtenstein...

In a word, the movie is crappy...it made me want to go out the theater halfway through it, screaming and demand for my 150 bucks back...I didn't but did curse a lot, silently to myself, throughout the flick. The direction and cinematography are decent enough so I convinced myself to just appreciate the movie for its technical merits. And to be fair about it, some dialogues are funny...in a British sort of way...Also, despite the incredible plot and a host of suspicious "coincidences", I imagine hardcore Pinoy love story fans to actually like it.

But seeing that in the real world Prince Charming cannot simply be handed the wrong key to get into my hotel room by accident, I should prolly post my own ad for a "hyperliterate, stunning, unaffected, sophisticated man...etc. etc..." and hope that someone who fits the bill answers.

kewpiedoll had tea with Death @ 6:19 PM

Woke up on the wrong side of the bed...everything just basically feels surreal...I'll be meeting a girlfriend for a movie date tonight...and I wonder what to wear...No, I don't need to look particularly good, it's just one of those regular get-togethers we manage every now and then but I walk to everywhere so I have to be comfy and needless to say, I cannot possibly wear anything halfway trendy or I'll literally stop traffic...it happened before...

I just remembered last weekend while I was people-watching at a mall a car stopped right by the entrance and then emerged three caucasian dudes followed by an asian girl (I think she's Pinay) who was wearing the shortest short skirt I've ever seen...I love skirts and I have them in every cut, fabric and color but that one the girl was wearing is something I would never have attempted to wear even in my dreams...by my estimate, it's roughly 7 inches from the hips...it was tiered and black and fell just a few millimeters from the crotch...yep, THAT short...

While the girl got off from the car, the ruffle detail of her skirt went askew which showed off her baby pink knickers from beneath it...needless to say, all eyes were on her but she thought maybe that people, especially the men, ogled her because of her beauty...she didn't make any attempt to smooth her skirt down and just proceeded to sashay down the boardwalk, laughing raucously with her companions, thus attracting more attention...

When she turned around, I literally shot coffee out of my nostril in amusement or disgust, I don't know exactly which...her butt was also showing from under her mini...talk about mooning the crowd, in style...

WARNING: Dangerous to drink while people-watching...

Well, I've always thought clothes are supposed to cover at least the delicate areas...I've worn short skirts before but never one that's more a headband than a skirt. I don't mind showing off legs but please, reserve butt and crotch showing for when you're wearing your teeny bikini by the beach...

I see girls all the time wearing next to nothing in public places...they ought to be arrested for indecent exposure...at least Christina A. and Britney shed their clothes in their music vids and while walking down the red carpet not by a coffee shop in full view of regular bystanders...

it happens more than you think...

The worst thing is, these girls who display their wares in public are barely 15 or 16 with underdeveloped boobies and hips...I wonder if they have even started menstruating...

Anyway, I suggest for everyone to wear what they want but sometimes, there's a place and time for an outfit...or maybe I've just seen enough crotches to last me a lifetime...

Just came from turning down yet another offer sheet...It's the third one in two weeks but unlike the ones I rejected before, this refusal is temporary, until they give me the salary that I think I should get. Actually, I would accept the job even for the slightly lowered rate but I just didn't want to seem too eager and desperate to get this one although I really, really want it. The HR Manager promised to call me tomorrow with another offer...I think I'll grab it then...I wouldn't want them to give the job to someone else just because of a few thousand bucks.

take it from Mr. Deverell, himself...

Actually, I was this close to signing the offer sheet earlier...but image is everything, right? I want to seem like a precious commodity that is not easily available...they have to play by my rules, at least for a bit...

And speaking of images...I was surprised by the presence of a former college buddy last Saturday. I was hanging out at a local Starbucks sipping my usual iced caramel macchiato when someone called my name. "Hey, Sugar!" Genuinely shocked I blurted, "Hey, you're here!" to which she flatly replied, "Why not?" I found her response a bit harsh, like I said something remarkably stupid but I gained my composure enough to say, "It's because I never knew you came back...", (she's supposed to be in Boston after all), just as she started to walk away.

Strained...quite strained...and this isn't the first time it happened. The first time was at ABS-CBN where we bumped into each other while I was rushing back and forth getting my plugs ready for airing...in a condescending tone, she asked, "You work here?" and in an equally patronizing manner added, "Which department?" When I said I was with Creative, she just flicked her hair, unimpressed and in a smug manner said, "Oh, I have my own thing going..." as if to make me realize that there I was slaving to the grind for Mr. Lopez (the man who owns the broadcasting channel I worked for) while she was, still is, apparently her own boss...

but he had been a good boss...

Obviously, the girl hates me...Though I can't make neither heads nor tails of why and how we drfited apart. We were really close at uni. She was my first friend during the orientation weekend...we even used to meet up a couple of hours before our classes so we can bond over the cheesiest of things...we were almost inseparable that everyone started to joke that we were twins...people usually asked if we're cousins since I guess, we even started to look alike...We had the same classes, the same breaks, the same group of friends although I cannot lay claim to having the same superb flirting skills...I wish I could but I guess that's one thing you cannot acquire by default...yet sometime during our last year in school, something went awry...I have a vague recollection of what she did that offended me and my retort whch was just as unpleasant...what I can't understand is how we were never able to patch things up like friends should have been able to. We may have gone tired of each other, I think...that's the only reason I can think of now.

Frankly, I've so forgotten about our petty past that I usually forget she hates me when we do see each other...Actually, I have just as much right to hate her too but I choose not to dwell in the past. But as far as images go, I don't usually like being the chaser...I like being the chasee so if you think I'm going to make an effort to mend this friendship, you're mistaken.

As with any relationship, friendship is a two way street...I'm just not willing to do more than my half...

kewpiedoll had tea with Death @ 4:04 PM

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Heard from a local TV game show while channel surfing last night:

Host: Nanalo ka ng 112,000 pesos! Congratulations!
Winner: Congratulations din po...

Huh?

*******************************************************************

I wasn't able to log in for the last couple of days 'coz I had been quite beezee...Isn't it ironic that when you really have something to write about you cannot find the time to do so but when you have a lot of time in your hands, there's nothing you can write about?


so much to do, so little time...

Anyway, I met up with a couple of high school friends last Friday. That was the first time we saw each other in about 6 or 8 years...I have seen Rica only once after graduation at a mall and although Red went to the same university I did, we never really got together that much, he was a batch lower than me, after all so needless to say, we had different crowds.

And speaking of crowds, I have never seen Podium in its four-year history to have been as crowded as it had been in the last three days! (Yep, being the mallrat that I am, I've been there everyday since Friday.) They had this three day mall-wide sale that was disappointing, at least for me...the shops pulled-out all their nice items and flanked their shelves with three seasons old merchandise and sold them at 20-70% off the original price. And you know how National Bookstore always has a 99 peso sale on hardbound books? I found out they're a 'donation' from US libraries...hmmm...

So Red, Rica and I went to Akiga for dinner, then had iced cappuccinos with whipped cream and ice cream (talk about indulgence...) at Dome which was curiously swarming with B-rate actors that night (think John Knight and Sunshine Dizon together with a bunch of familiar faces who most likely host a tacky late Saturday night program...).

Before we knew it, it was almost 3am. It was really pouring that time so we hang around 'til around 6am, playing this game called 40 questions where the queries border from downright embarrassing (when was the last time you had sex?) to just plain stupid (with what? =D) No one really took the questions THAT seriously so I don't know what to make of the information that went around...they're probably mostly bull...well, mostly...

Then Red asked me why I suddenly vanished in my last year at uni...he claimed he hardly ever saw me that he thought I may have packed my bags to join a cult in Mt. Banahaw knowing my fascination with the occult...

the ony cult I'd ever join is one where there's dancing around a fire naked...=)

Okay, I have something really mean to confess...

Back in college, I got good grades but studying was never my life...I always made sure to use up my maximum allowed cuts per subject, for instance and I'm known to compute my grades prior to final exams and either declare a self-exemption (meaning I can afford not to take the finals and still get a decent grade so I don't take it...) or just get the minimum number of correct answers necessary for me to get a good enough grade (which means I take the test, and leave as soon as I'm sure I have enough correct answers...). Heck, I didn't even have a notebook then...I carried little more than a pen and my ubiquitous kikay kit...I was never a grade hog...I didn't want straight A's...B's and C's were acceptable to me, I took it easy even when I purposely signed up for the strictest of professors infamous for their Nazi teaching styles.

Meanwhile, Red is a friggin' genius! I've always thought he was a studious freak so I didn't want to be associated with him...harsh, I know, and well, inexcusable...

"What?", he asked in surprise...he wasn't mad and instead found my confession amusing...turned out we basically did the same things, the self-exemptions and the class-cuttings...truth is, had I not been shallow and pathetic, we could have had loads of fun hanging out...but anyway, too late for such realizations...I was just glad he didn't find my actions gravely offensive and insulting although he did label me, in jest, although I know half-meant, an 'egoistic bitch'...

Now, I've always known I can be such a bitch but egoistic? That got me thinking...

Indeed, I can be too self-centered sometimes...Avoiding a good friend for fear of association is just low...and remember the boy whom I called a jerk? (See "To Find a Pefect Melon...") I had been too caught up with my own feelings and assessments that I failed to recognize how he might have felt under the circumstances...I am not about to analyze things here in detail but suffice it to say that I realized he hadn't been a jerk, he was acting quite normally and graciously, if I may say so, and it was me who behaved quite strangely...

Definitely stranger than a crop circle...

Now, I don't easily own up to mistakes but we all mature, eventually so this is in fact, a milestone...

So, although I love being a bitch, those two times I ain't exactly proud of...

You know what I realized? I've never won anything in my life...I don't mean competitions, I mean prizes...Not that I join a lot of raffle draws but still, my eldest sister once won a Lego set when the Milo crew visited our school...won a TV set from a village raffle draw a few years later and have always bagged the big prizes in corporate Christmas parties...lucky...just lucky...

I, on the other hand, have a knack for getting the stupidest of gifts and even in occassions when everyone is a sure winner, I still get the prizes no one in their right minds would want. I've always hated exchange gifts dating back from first grade when I received a tube of colored candies attached to a pinwheel right smack in the middle of a plastic toy that happens to be a chicken...now, what kind of a gift was that? I still wonder to this day why anyone would want to give a little girl a plastic chicken...

The following year was no better when a boy in my class announced to everyone that I will be receiving the cutest gift ever! Imagine my disgust when I opened my package and found a cheap, felt, hello kitty knock off in hideous red and blue (not the clothes, the toy's material itself was red!) with a surprised look about its face that more or less echoed my own reaction.

It just got worse and worse through the years...ugly ceramic coin banks, blown glass figurines with colored liquid inside...I've forgotten all the others although not the feeling of disappointment I've always felt upon opening those nicely wrapped boxes. I've stared in envy of my classmates' gifts which were much better than mine. Of course, I could always buy those but it's never the same.

Sure, it's the thought that counts, but what kind of thought have those people put into those gifts anyway? I've always thought you should always put into consideration the person's personality, his preferences...but I guess, that's just me.

As I've gotten older though, I've learned never to expect and just to be gracious of all the gifts that I receive...Don't get me wrong, I usually get nice ones from friends and family, and I've always appreciated those, it's just that I'm never as lucky when it comes to Kris Kringles.

When I started working, I thought my luck would somehow change. I would be exchanging gifts with working people after all...people with money to spend so I can expect to get something better than a plastic chicken...but heck, no such luck. On my first year of work, I received a set of colognes which I wouldn't use on my cat. They smelled gaudy and trashy and not in a Courtney Love sort of way...think roach-infested night clubs lining the stretch of Quezon Ave.

For the corporate raffle meanwhile, where everyone was supposed to win something...everyone else took home cash or some useful appliance like a toaster or a stove or a blowdrier and guess what I won? A 6 month subscription to Metro Magazine...Great! like I'd ever want to read a magazine that puts Judy Ann Santos on its cover...

Definitely cover material...NOT!

I figured I can just give those to my mom who operates beauty salons in Antipolo, she can give them to the customers to read...

When my first issue came the following month, however, it wasn't Metro...inside the plastic packaging was a copy of Food Magazine...the publisher decided that since it was a free gift, they should probably just give away the title which sells the least...Okay, I love to cook, but this magazine is just...well, crappy...would I really want to learn how to make Ai-ai Delas Alas' Super Adobo Surprise? No thanks...

Needless to say, I've always begged off Kris Kringles when I could...I'd rather spend my 300 bucks on something I can use rather than get something that will just give me nightmares every night. But on occassions when it is compulsory to join, I just make it a point never to open the gift myself and have someone else unwrap it for me while my eyes are tightly shut. If it's something revolting, my friends know how to keep it out of sight...that has always been the case so far anyway...